Entre Nous Proudly Presents our Guide to:
Decoding French Dining
Ahh good ol' France where the air is laced with love, the people look like they just stepped off the cover of Vogue and there are rules and regulations regarding our favorite pastime ~ eating. Although the French are notorious for having rules that cover their entire dining experience from making reservations through completion of dessert and coffee (yes, the coffee is supposed to be ordered after dessert), they come by it honestly ~ King Louis XIV imposed such rules upon his court back in the days when the French still believed in being governed by royalty. Dilutions of King Louis' etiquette rules can now be found throughout dining rooms in France from Provence to Paris. There is nothing worse (okay, perhaps we can think of a few things) than trying to squirm your way through a fancy smancy French dinner. Have no fear, though, Entre Nous is here to help you with our guide to Decoding French Dining!
1. Condiments (or lack of):
If you have your running shoes on but lack inspiration to go for a jog, then we invite you to ask your Server for salt, pepper or ketchup prior to tasting your food. This is a fantastic way to get the French chef to run out of the kitchen and chase you with his rolling pin. Consider yourself forewarned ~ a request for any of the aforementioned items after tasting your food is likely to earn you the same result!
2. Hands Off:
Do not, we repeat DO NOT use your hands for anything in France except holding onto your fork, your knife and your glass. This is one of the seven deadly sins in France and rings true whether you are eating pizza or any other sort of "finger food." Also, your hands must be visible at all times while you are eating. Keep your elbows off the table and no matter what ~ do not let your hands fall into your lap; otherwise, you will make the French ponder just what your hands are doing beneath their 400-thread count tablecloth.
3. Ring Ring:
Is that your cell phone I hear? I hope not, for your sake! In France, a fine line exists between work and leisure ~ when you cross the threshold into a French Restaurant make sure you do not cross that line! Double check your cell phone at least three times prior to being seated to make sure you did hit that "silent" button.
4. Dress Rehearsal:
Excusez Moi, are those jogging pants that you are wearing? If so, then you better head home and change! The French do not go anywhere in public with jogging suits on ~ it doesn't matter what name brand it is or how much you paid!
5. Eating is an Art:
And, as any true artist knows, perfection is achieved over time (which means that this next rule takes practice). In France, you must hold your knife in one hand and your fork in the other while eating ~ seesawing your food with a fork is simply not allowed. FYI - the fork is held in the left hand and the knife is held in the right.
6. Fruit:
If you select fresh fruit for dessert, make sure you do not just pick up a pear and bite in! French fruit is nothing like American fruit ~ it prefers to be peeled, cut into slices and eaten piece by piece.
7. Salad Service:
It is the strangest unexplained phenomenon - as soon as you cross the Atlantic ocean, lettuce becomes a digestive; therefore, it is served after the main course rather than before. And, since we are on the subject, disregard the knife and fork rule above. Salad should never be cut, but instead folded onto the knife.
8. Ladies Look Don't Touch:
Out on a date? Whether or not you have been married for 50 years or just met last night, in France, ladies do not pour themselves wine. Instead, try this trick - look at your date, then miserably at your glass, then longingly at the wine bottle and then back at your date. Note: You may have to do this two or three times until he realizes you need a refill.
9. MIA: The Bill:
Don't be surprised if you are finished with your meal and the bill still hasn't made an appearance at the table. In France, it is considered impolite to rush guests out the door. If you are ready for you bill, you will need to ask for it.
10. Server with a Tude:
In New York City, there are crazy taxi drivers. In San Francisco, there are flamboyant drag queens. In Paris, there are servers with attitudes. In fact, even the French think Parisian servers are rude! Unfortunately, there is not much solace we can offer on this one except to try and blend in with the crowd ~ try ordering your meal in French and perhaps your server will be a little less brisk or worse - invisible.
11. Get Ready to Drink:
And you thought the Irish were notorious for drinking! In France, alcoholic beverages are served before, during and after dinner. In fact, don't even consider ordering soda with your meal! Customary drinks prior to dinner are Pernod, Kir, Champagne or Vermouth. During dinner you get a choice of wine or water. Finally, after dinner drinks usually consist of liquors or port. To avoid a bad state of intoxication - we suggest working up a tolerance before setting foot on French soil!
12. Bread Rules.
Why yes it does, but in France there are also rules that accompany their delicious pain. This is one of the areas that fingers are allowed and we suggest you live it up since you are not allowed to use your fingers for any other dishes. Remember that while you can use your fingers to break apart the bread, a knife and fork must be used for any bread/delicious sauce sopping. Furthermore, bread plates are not customary in France, so if you do not have one, put your bread up above your fork next to your plate.
13. Cheese Whiz:
Hooray for cheese! (This is probably our most favorite thing about French dining.) Although your server should be well versed in explaining which cheese hails from which region in France, just remember that you must cut your cheese from the side. Do not ever cut it from the point - the shape of the cheese must remain intact while happily devouring it.
14. Finale:
There is a secret flatware code in France that you must become familiar with or else risk losing your plate right in the middle of your meal. It works like this: If you cross your knife and fork on your plate or put one on each side of your plate, then the server will know that you are still eating. If, however, you put your knife and fork together on the plate (think parallel) then it will signal your server to come and remove your plate.
While Entre Nous' guide to Decoding French Dining to avoid committing a faux pas is a must in mainland France , here at Entre Nous, we welcome you as you are - wear what you want, eat how you want, pour yourself another glass of wine and be merry!! After all, what happens at Entre Nous remains "between us."